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However these assets can sometimes work against us, making many middle aged single women appear scary to potential suitors.
Questions such as why is she on her own or is she a desperate husband-hunter are probably in a man’s mind before he has even said hello. I spent years frowning and speaking my mind, only to find that stroppy single behaviour may look good on adolescents with attitude but is very unappealing on anyone over 35.
Jerry was a wealthy, highly successful, intelligent, divorced chap who worked in the film industry.
And then, some time later, reality hits the widowers. Last week, a woman named Elaine asked for my advice regarding a widower she’s dating. He finally revealed that his hints about his feelings for her had been ignored. She was shocked and reluctant to date him, not wanting to jeopardize their friendship and feeling she was betraying her deceased friend. Then, I told her to stop focusing on the guilt, and start focusing on not letting him get away to another woman, that he would eventually go elsewhere if they don’t hook up because he wants and seems ready to love again.
It would be great to have someone help around the house — but I don’t want to give up control and let someone else vacuum, dust, and load the dishwasher “the wrong way.” (Clearly, I have so many issues that there’s probably not even anyone out there willing to date me so this whole thing is moot.) But I think I have finally arrived at a point where the good points about dating and new relationships outweigh the negatives. There are men out there who know how to behave like a gentleman.
This is what I have learned about dating as a middle-aged mom: Most of us older moms have generally been in long-term, monogamous relationships. And there are men our age who know how to make a relationship work and are searching for the long-term. They open doors, pick up checks, help you over icy patches of sidewalk, and don’t make unwelcome advances.
I base my warnings on stories some women who’ve dated widowers have shared with me over the years.
To the contrary, most are wonderful men who were devoted to their wives.
I don’t need to share a bathroom with a man who leaves the seat up.